Sovereign Still

"The truth is nothing about adoption is safe. We sign papers and write checks and make timelines as if any part of this process is secure, and then we're shocked when the battle waged in the heavens over these children's lives encompasses the natural.                      The fields of the fatherless are war stained".

Taken from Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty

There are few days that go by that we don't get asked, “what’s the update on your adoption?”.  It seems we are way overdo for an “official” update and there’s a reason.  

There isn’t one.

We’re still waiting.  Our case was scheduled to be reviewed by MOWYCA (aka Ethiopian government) May 20th.  Deadlines and due dates don’t have the same weight and meaning over there as they do here. And so, we wait. We’ve been told they are processing cases, but our workers on ground have yet to see any movement.  Our specific case was discussed with the head honcho last week and there was not much information given, other then they are still reviewing it.  

There is a slight plot twist in our waiting.  If we get a positive recommendation within the next few weeks, there is a chance we will be able to travel in July.  If we do not hear soon, we will most likely not be able to go until at least October as the Ethiopian courts shut down from August-September(ish). 

The hardest part for me as of late, is another one of Little Man’s friends, one of his closest friends, just came home a few weeks ago. While my heart rejoices that this precious one is home with his new forever family, my momma’s heart aches for my son who is still there, continuing to experience losses in relationships with those he loved.

When I asked for an update on how Little Man was handling losing another friend, we learned that Little Man does not know he is getting adopted. We had been told early last year that when the kids begin to get tutoring they know that means they have a family waiting for them. Little Man has been getting tutoring since January 2015. We were also told that when he went to court in October he found out officially he had a family waiting, even though they didn’t disclose who we were specifically. However, none of that is the case. He believes he is receiving tutoring to help with his academic studies. He has no idea that his closest friends who have left with families of their own, he will one day get to see again and stay in contact with. He has no idea that there is a family on the other side of the world fighting, waiting, advocating, praying and loving him. He has no idea.  

And while the counselor in me worries about how his little heart is internalizing all of this and the meaning he is making about himself, the world, and God…. as I type this the Lord is gently showing me that He too feels this way so often with me.  I have no idea how much He longs for me. For all of me. And yet so often my heart is so far from His. My heart is so easily consumed by the things of this world. 

I can only see a portion of the whole story. I only know my part in this section of the chapter I am in.  I can’t see the next page and I have no clue what’s happening with the other characters in the story. I can’t see the big picture and yet I make judgement calls about myself, the world, others, and my God based off the tiny, limited perspective I have. All the while, not fully grasping how deeply I am loved, how fully I am redeemed, how completely my sins have been paid for. I know I don’t get it because if I fully comprehended it all, it would dramatically change how I lived, how I reacted, how I prayed, how I thought. 

Well, that was an unexpected tangent. If you made it this far, thank you. Thank you for journeying with us. Thanks for praying.  Thanks for being disappointed and annoyed with us. Thanks for hoping with us. Thanks for trusting with us that God is sovereign still and He never fails.